About Psychotherapy
There are many situations which can affect us at different stages of our lives. Family
problems, loss of someone we love, conflict in our area of work. We may be in a
relationship or job where we feel stifled, where our energy is sapped and our
integrity threatened. There may be times when we can’t let go of things even
though we suspect that we should. We feel we are locked into a situation we
can’t get out of.
It can be
hard to find the solution to these problems on our own. Psychotherapists are
trained to help people to understand and work through their difficulties and
find happier ways to live their lives.
Why would you go to see a Psychotherapist?
- You might come to psychotherapy because you feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and lack of hope in your life.
- You may find it hard to function from day to day because of your emotional difficulties.
- You may find that your behaviour is harmful to yourself or to others.
- You may find relationships are difficult because of your emotional issues.
- You may feel lost, stuck or in pain.
Do you recognise a pattern.
Perhaps a pattern seems to be emerging in your life. You know you are unhappy and that your behavior isn’t working for you any more. There seems to be something that keeps pulling you in the direction of these repeated patterns which you are unable to resist. You feel stuck in unproductive, unsatisfying, or even self-destructive patterns of feelings and behavior.
You seem to
have reached an impasse where you are blocked and unable to move forward. It may
be in a relationship, in work, study, sport or other activity. You may be afraid
to risk taking the step which could lead to success or failure.
It is
sometimes comforting to stay in a difficult and painful place because it
distracts us from a potentially deeper sense of loss or self-blame. But if we
remain stuck, we risk not grasping the opportunity to move on to something good
or new.
Habit or Addiction
Despite
wanting to stop, addictions may be spoiling your life. You may be regularly
drinking too much and having arguments. You may become angry or aggressive
leaving you with feelings of shame or guilt. Over-working, endless shopping,
compulsive checking of e-mails, being too busy to relax may all be indicators of
an emotional void. A frenetic lifestyle can be the way you attempt to mask
underlying feelings of uselessness or of missing something.
Perhaps you are or have concerns about a young person who is habitually skipping school,
using drugs and alcohol, or possibly dieting and bingeing. Perhaps your
behaviour even feels good and to some extent serves a purpose for you, but it
could be storing up problems for the future.
Stress and Anxiety
We all feel anxious and under stress from time to time and that can be useful in keeping us alert and focused. However anxiety disorders can be extremely distressing and
can seriously disrupt our lives. You may for example have a persistent fear that
something bad is going to happen. You may suddenly feel dread and terror which
are unprovoked. You might obsessively wash your hands until they are raw, or
fold clothes until they are perfectly positioned, wasting hours doing so, but
you can’t get rid of the compulsion that you must.
Relationships
You may fight
with your partner yet your greatest fear is of losing her or him. Relationships
may be a series of “bad choices”, which always end up the same. Whatever it is
that you are searching for in your relationships could be that which you have
lost in yourself.
Emotional problems affect both sexes
As a therapist, I meet men who are high achievers but who struggle emotionally, who wrestle with what it is to be a man in today’s society. For many men, balancing the sides of their personality in order to achieve autonomy and intimacy can be a struggle. I also meet women who have good jobs, family, looks, but feel inadequate and worthless in many ways; the multi-faceted dimensions of their lives pulling in too many directions at the one time.
Your body usually knows best
You may be experiencing dissonance between what you think is true about your emotional wellbeing and what your body is telling you. We know that psychological and physical existence are very closely linked and that our bodies can be indicators of our emotional state. Headaches, exhaustion, various body pains can indicate emotional malfunction.
When lifestyle can become a problem
How then do lifestyles issues relate to emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, obsessive behaviours and addictions?
What are emotional problems and what are symptoms?
Emotional problems can be an expression of having lost touch with our inner feelings or needs. We employ tactics which we use to defend against our pain, rejection or humiliation. If these defenses, games and maneuverings fail to protect us we may defend harder. By intensifying these methods of protecting ourselves, we can develop new and irrational behaviours and feelings. These feelings, such as phobias and panic attacks can become distressing and may then be perceived as symptoms.
We do not choose these patterns of behaviour or feeling; they are developed outside of our awareness. Symptoms of depression for example may seem irrational because they are masking something else that we can’t see.
What a Psychotherapist can do
The job of the psychotherapist is to help you to gain insight and become aware of those stuck or defended feelings and needs. Instead of being controlled by them, increasing awareness helps you to take control of the feelings and behaviour. Old patterns become redundant. Treatment is therefore a process of becoming aware of your own particular personality processes.
In psychotherapy, you work in partnership with a qualified therapist who will guide you and help you to understand the way you see yourself and your inner world. You will come to understand your behaviour and the ways you relate to others.
Psychotherapy is about freedom of choice; freedom from old and erroneous ways of behaving, and making a choice about the way you want to change and live your life.
Once therapy is working, the symptoms usually fade in importance and whatever it is that you have not been addressing, becomes clearer. You, in turn will become clearer, more energetic and hopeful.
What is needed, then, is a relationship with someone who has sound knowledge of feelings and communication, who you trust and whose point of view you come to value. Treatment progresses according to your own comfort level and you can usually expect some change within around six sessions although this will depend on the issues you bring and the depth of the problem.
If you think you may benefit from psychotherapy,
please contact Annie Hay on 0777 914 9583 or use my online enquiry form